11/8/2010 9:35 AM
Thank you so much that you have again reminded me that what I do is what I was born to do!
Yes, just at this moment I'm realizing that You have again answered my prayer. Last week I was feeling down and discouraged. I was once again questioning my calling as I so often have through the years. Lord, please forgive me for that! Forgive me that after all this time you still have to say to me, "Why are you afraid, O you of little faith?”(Matt. 8:26).
Last week, I knew my attitude had somehow gone wrong. I was feeling weary of doing good. I hadn't been spending enough time with you in quiet prayer and I wasn't getting my daily bread in the right amount and the result was that I felt tired and frustrated and so not filled with grace.
But I knew what to do, I had to spend time sitting at the feet of Jesus and so I did. For two days, I worshipped, praised, cried, and pleaded with you to change my heart and take my resentment and frustration towards other people away from me. And I asked you again, as I have so many times, Lord, am I doing what You want me to do? Am I STILL called to do this?
And yesterday, you answered all those prayers. I woke up with a migraine headache yesterday before worship. And as I was getting ready for church, my stomach was so queezy, I didn't know if I could make it. But I prayed and I went to church.
And then something really huge happened. I forgot about my head and my stomach. I stood before Your people and preached Your Word and the Holy Spirit took over every part of my being. I felt this amazing surge of power pour in and through me, as if real living water WAS pouring out of me. It felt as if the veil between earth and heaven had been lifted and all of us were standing on Holy ground. Yes, the Kingdom of God had come on earth in that moment and It was AWESOME!
So much more happened throughout the rest of the service. I was holding back my tears as I looked into the eyes of each person as they came forward to receive Holy Communion from Your table. My heart was pounding wildly in my chest. Every eye that I looked into, I saw YOU Jesus! I saw You in them in distressing disguise.
After the service, I had short, but incredible conversations with some of Your people. I prayed with some. Some, I held in my arms as they shed their tears on my shoulders. In that moment, I knew my shoulders were being Your shoulders.
Yes, I drove home with very wet shoulders yesterday. And I still felt the incredible power of Your Holy Spirit coursing through my veins. And as I pulled in the driveway, I heard You speak. You repeated the same thing that You said to me when You called me to start this church. You said, "I created you for them."
I'm not even sure why, but I understood what you said in a much deeper way than ever before. When You said it to me the very first time, I didn't think I liked it at all. (Sorry about that.) I didn't know how to feel about the idea that the reason I was born was in order to serve others. But now I see it all so differently and I understand what an incredible honor it is for me to be chosen by You for such a humble purpose.
It seemed so incredibly, crystal clear to me yesterday and still today. This is what I was born to do! You answered my prayer. You reaffirmed my calling and I so get it right now. It's hard for me to understand how I can ever forget it. But I fear that I will again in the days ahead. But the Good News is that I know if and when I do, You will again remind me and for that I am eternally grateful.
I thank you God for every day that I get to keep doing this. The most amazing thing is that I get to be with YOU! I am honored and humbled by Your presence and I am sooo grateful for the purpose in my life that You've given me!
Lord, please help me to be all that I can be for You!
Thank you and I love YOU!!!